A View from the Boundary

                                                By Carl Hanebuth

 

 

What an exciting season, although not really a winning one, though an exciting one.
With several new players, who knew the outcome? Included in all the KWAAPOC players
was a meld of talent, humor, skill, fun, profoundness and silliness.

 

Lets just imagine this. You are one of the weird people walking along the trolley-
ridden banks of the Cooks River when you come along to Tasker Park and see eleven
sportsman wearing white outfits with wide brimmed hats. Then in your interest to see what
the hell is going on, you stay around to see what is really happening. As you scan from the
pools to past the newly erected flagpole and to the Asian soccer team training, you notice
the following people:

 

A player (Rob) running from mid off to mid on telegraphing out all these orders to
move one metre right then one metre left, ball by ball. Then an occasional motivational cry
of “come on lads!” Batting is his forte`, except for when he leaves the ball to hit the
stumps.

 

Another Italian (Joe) is playing. He bowls, he bats, he catches, he runs people out,
he wins tosses, but he can’t win a game. The seriousness of the beast has gotten him to
think that the colour of his Speedos does make a difference.

 

A guy (Paul) is fully equipped like someone from the Australian side ready to hit
some serious runs. He comes out to swish and swoosh all over the place. Then a crack for
six runs. After all the excitement, he then asks, “But did you drop your load last night?”

 

Another one (Paddy) turns up breathing second hand alcohol consumed the night
before at the local, where drinks come really cheap. He charges in until the alco meter has
hit sober or he gets run out. Though after every ball, bellows of “ooooh – carn Paddy!”

 

A tanned happy man (Carl) with a hop, skip and a jump tries his hardest to bowl the
same thing twice to no avail. With his elephant like reflexes and wearing his concrete shoes
he tries to hit everything hard. Again to no avail.

 

A Kiwi (Nathan) stampedes in from one end only to find out he has to pull his
strides up five times each ball. Bearing the trademark black undies, every appeal is done
with one hand while the other halts the full embarrassment of being totally pantsed.

 

A specialist outfielder (Dave) who glides across the ground like a cheetah to take
some glorious catches in the deep. When he wields the bat, he can play a defensive shot
and that’s where it stops, otherwise it’s a long walk back to the sheds.

 

A young, longhaired, left armed, studly hunk (George) comes running in on his
short run, except he misses the pitch. So perhaps the long run up is the remedy. Perhaps
not. But this stud can catch a ball whizzing past.

 

The hulk of the team, (Deen) flying graciously all over the place like a soccer
goalkeeper. Am I watching the right game? But invariably when he bowls the final overs
he manages to get the last wicket with one of those “Express” deliveries.

 

The excitement machine (Chris) is here and tells every one he is the master of the
cut shot. But all he can really do is score, and hurt people from his own team. Though the
profoundness of this intellectual is amazing. “Is there really seven days in a week?”

 

A cool wise man (Stan) comes to crease with the intention of scoring lots and lots
of runs though instead he scores lots and lots of leg befores. Worst thing is he hates being
bowled.

 

Just before this student (James) comes out to bat, he flips the coin. He turns around
and proclaims heads, this means he should get a half century today. Wrong! He got two.
But never disappointed with an innings.

 

Not knowing how the wicketkeeper (Tony) enjoys batting. It’s always a thrill to see
the procession that follows the dismissal. Everything suffers! The ground, flagpole, bat,
dressing shed, bench, helmet, gloves, hector, pads, scorebook………….

 

After all this observation, you decide you have watched enough of this bizarre game
and team. You continue on your way to see another game where wickets are being knocked
over with great frequency. You think, “If only the other team I saw could do that”.